yes, it’s on a chair. it was that sort of party

It was my grandad’s 80th birthday last week, and on Sunday we had a big party at my grandparent’s house with 40 family members in attendance, most of whom I hadn’t seen for several years. It’s a bit worrying when you stop being the one adults say “haven’t you grown!” to and start being the one who says it. Anyway, I made this tart to impress my long lost relations, to make up for my lack of a job to impress them with. It’s an unemployment tart, if you will. And the best thing is, it’s very easy to do, just pastry and milk and sugar.

Pastry case:

125g unsalted butter, cubed
500g caster sugar
1 egg, beaten
180g plain flour, sifted

Cream the butter and sugar together. Add the egg and stir until smooth. Add the flour and bring together with your hands, taking care not to overwork. Rest in the fridge for twenty minutes. Then roll out and put into your tart tin (a difficult procedure). Fork some holes into it (especially if, like me, you had to use some self raising flour as the plain had run out) Blind bake for 12-15 minutes.

Creme patissiere

500ml milk
1 tsp vanilla essence
2 egg yolks
60g caster sugar
20g cornflour

Heat the milk with the vanilla. Mix the egg yolks and the sugar together, then slowly pour in a stream of milk, stirring constantly, until incorporated. You may need the cornflour to help it thicken. Heat gently, stirring with a whisk, until thick – which takes about 20 minutes.


Put your creme into your tart case, and place whatever variety of fruit you’ve got ontop in a vaguely aesthetically pleasing manner. I glazed mine with some hot water and sugar mix, but this is optional.